The Worst of Humanity at Belém Tower, Lisbon

Belém Tower in Lisbon, Portugal, is really quite pretty to look at. Here’s a photo: Unfortunately, that is all the positivity you’re getting out of me for this post because what’s inside that tower is not pretty. Don’t get me wrong, physically it’s fine. There’s stone and wood and some pleasant views. What isn’t pretty…

Getting the Perfect Photo at Neuschwanstein Castle

I was lying on my stomach in the snow at the edge of a ridge in a forest, eye squinting through a camera lens. I clicked the shutter, stood up, brushed myself off and looked at the camera display. Nope, that was also terrible. I dragged my beleaguered wife back down the hill, saying we…

Antoni Gaudí: The Worst Builder in the World

One thing’s for sure, you wouldn’t want Antoni Gaudí as your neighbor. Imagine leaving your house one morning and bumping into him and he tells you, with a big sigh, “My house has no straight lines.” You’d get that FOR SALE sign up before you can say “stay away from my kids”. Gaudí, for those…

Sneezing and Sniffing in Rome for New Year’s

It’s winter and everyone is either sick, was sick recently, or is cheerfully announcing to everyone that they never get sick (please join me in coughing all over those bastards). And my dad, always the attention seeker, got sick before Christmas, got better, and then got sick again two weeks later, just so he could get more…

How to Get From Tirana, Albania to Kosovo

The following is a guide explaining how to get from Tirana, Albania to Pristina or Prizren, Kosovo. I’m writing it for all the poor saps who are in Tirana right now and can’t work out how to leave the place. I feel you guys. I’ll help you out. The first thing you need to know…

Sunset From Prizren Fortress, Kosovo

  Often when you travel you come across something unexpected or breathtaking or something to make you stop in your tracks and go “woah”. It could be beautiful blue water off the coast of a Greek island. It could be an ugly naked man snorkeling in said beautiful blue water. For me recently it was a sunset…

Chapel of Bones day trip

We were in Prague searching for things to do, when we found something that said “a church made entirely of human bones”. That was it. We were sold. Next day, we met the guide in Prague’s Old Town Square, along with 10-12 other people with an interest in the aesthetic and architectural possibilities of human bone. The…

The Most Important Battle in History

“Do you know what the most important battle in history was?” asked our walking guide, George. It was March and it was cold and damp and we were in Athens, learning about Greek history, of which there is a lot. “I don’t know, but did the Greeks win it?” said someone annoyingly. We all glared at…

A Very Serious Post About Nuclear Apocalypse

Here are some things that are creepy: clowns hiding under bridges. A forty year old man with glasses and a camera sitting on a swing in a children’s playground. My grandma’s fondness for sucking on popsicles. But my visit to Chernobyl, Ukraine, site of the worst nuclear incident in history, was creepier. Way creepier. It started…

“The Most Vibrating Shop”

I was wandering aimlessly along Amsterdam’s canals, snapping a few photos of the cute bridges and the rows of patchwork houses, when I noticed a shop sign that proudly announced it was “The Most Vibrating Shop”. It was a sign full of intrigue; my curiosity was piqued. What vibrates? Phones? Electric toothbrushes? Bombs? I stopped,…

Hot Strawberry Wine at a Christmas Market in Budapest

The snowfall was patchy and half-hearted, like a 50-year-old woman’s attempt at giving up her 40-a-day habit. It came down in a flurry for a few minutes as I weaved my way through the dense crowds of this night-time Budapest Christmas market. I was thankful; I mean, what Christmas Market is complete without a dusting…

A Twitchy Tourette’s Guy in Stockholm, Sweden

Watching the changing of the guard at the Royal Palace in Stockholm, Sweden, I was standing next to a man with Tourette’s. He fuck was a head taller than me shit and most other  people and kept checking his watch. He was an older fuck guy, about 45 or 50 at a fuck guess shit….