A Devastating Miami Disappointment

Last Updated on April 13, 2024 by Adam Watts

Here’s the sorry tale of our devastating Miami disappointment. Settle in, friends. Here we go.

Miami. Sun-drenched, glamorous Miami. Resident to many a celebrity who hankered for the yacht life and grew tired of LA’s fakery. An endless line of high-rise hotels, summer homes, and retiree apartments trace the coast, from Miami all the way up along the Florida shore. This part of the world offers the quintessential “good weather” that many a retired Brit ups sticks and comes for. I had been told there’d be sexy people and chill vibes.

I repeat, for emphasis: sun-drenched, glamorous Miami! Sexy people! Chill vibes!

So why then is it pouring with rain right now?! It’s torrential. We didn’t bring coats, we didn’t even bring a solitary umbrella between the four of us. Those beautiful palm trees out there are being buffeted by strong winds and look like they could come screeching out of the ground and destroy a dozen cars any second. What a Miami disappointment this is.

Twenty minutes ago we were standing on the deserted beach in agony because sand was being lifted from the ground and fired like needles at our bare ankles. We had packed swimsuits and a frisbee and were excited to sip cocktails at a beachfront bar and let relaxation wash over us.

Instead we have this freezing rain washing over us. What the hell, Miami? Please revise your definition of a chill vibe, stat!

It wasn’t like this yesterday, before our Miami disappointment set in. We arrived and felt the warm air soothe us from the moment we stepped off the plane. We gleefully shrugged off our New York jackets and pulled on shorts and applied sunscreen, and explored Wynwood’s murals under the baking sun. “This is the life,” we cooed. Not knowing what we’d wake up to tomorrow, we stepped into the shade as often as we could, hiding from the sun that would soon be hiding from us.

After Wynwood yesterday, today was the pre-planned “beach day”. We figured we’d hit the beach early to avoid the hottest part of the day, and when the sun was at its highest and its angriest we’d slink off to a brunch place and maybe a bar or two, before catching some additional late-afternoon rays. Plan firmly in place, we slept comfortably, free of life’s responsibilities and with a beautiful day ahead of us. We woke up, excited, leapt out of bed, still excited, opened the curtains and… rain. Grey-ness. A great wall of Miami disappointment covering the sky like a literal wet blanket.

But still we went out.

The lesson we learned from this experience was, possibly, that one should “expect the unexpected” or “be adaptable” or even just “have a plan B”. But what use would that be? If you’ve never been to Miami, are coming from New York and the temperatures have been plummeting depressingly quickly into the sub-zeros, the last thing you want to spend time doing is researching “what to do in Miami if the weather is absolutely horrendous”.

I suppose the real lesson I want anyone reading this to take is this: Miami sucks in the rain.

That’s not a lesson, you say? Okay, how about: if life gives you rotten lemons, good lemonade is impossible to make so you might as well go back to bed and hope the next day gives you better lemons. Happy now?

[this post was written in jest by the author of a comedy site. Miami was actually fun, despite the rain, and we did fun things. I’d give Miami a solid 7/10.]

If you want an account of someone who had a great time in Miami, check out this post on this other blog.

And if you just really, really love hearing me write about our bad luck with weather, check out this post about us failing to see the northern lights in Iceland.