Seville is Really Quite Unfairly Pretty

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Frankly I think this is cheating, don’t you? Do you think this is in any way reasonable? No idea what I’m talking about? Let me explain by asking another question.

Have you ever been to Hull? Wigan? The steaming pile of excrement that is Luton? How is it fair that a place like Seville is allowed to exist while places like those listed above languish in their hideousness at the bottom of the proverbial barrel? There isn’t a human alive who has “visit Luton” on their bucket list, even if that list is written in font size 6 on a piece of paper stretching from here to Jupiter.

Seville, on the other hand, should be somewhere most people should go. Come to the think of it, unless you were traumatized in, or by someone from, the south of Spain, visiting Seville should be pretty high on your list. It’s beautiful, as you can already see. In fact the entire city is stunning. You can’t walk eight feet without bumping into another stunning facade and the number of narrow cobbled streets is frankly quite absurd. It’s Europe, so there’s history; it’s small, so you can walk everywhere; it’s a place outside of England, so the food is good.

But back to my main point. I think it’s unfair that Seville is allowed to be Seville while Luton is stuck being Luton. God damn it, even the names are polar opposites. Sevilla, as the Spaniards call it, rolls off the tongue like a ballet dancer pirouetting around a stage. In contrast, Luton rolls off the tongue like a truck rolling down a cliff.

This unfairness shouldn’t stand. So I’m proposing, if anyone in urban redevelopment projects is reading, that Seville should have to give up part of its prettiness and donate it to Luton. I’m not asking for much, just an arch or two, a dozen cobblestones, the smallest fountain, hell, even just a single colorful ceramic tile. And Luton should also rename itself , to Luttonia perhaps, something with a vowel at the end to be more sexy and European.

I don’t think this request is too much to ask. And for those thinking I’m exaggerating all this, I leave you with 3 photos. Two are from Seville, one is from Luton. See if you can tell which is the odd one out.

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I rest my case.

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